“My mother’s dog came to live with us after my mother passed away. The dog just lies around; his eyes are vacant like he checked-out; he won’t eat and doesn’t interact with us, not even for snuggles.
“I don’t get it. He’s known us for his whole life. What’s wrong with him? And what can I do to help?”
Pets Do Grieve
It doesn’t matter if it’s a dog, cat, bird, rodent, reptile, fish, horse, etc. They are part of the family and will grieve the loss of someone in their family – whether the loss is due to death of a family member, or the animal has been abandoned.
Your mom’s dog has been with her companion (your mom) for most if not all of his life. The dog is grieving. He lost not only his human companion and his pack, but he also lost his home. He’s grieving and depressed.
You can address this with your veterinarian who may prescribe a short term anti-depressant for the pet.
Acknowledging you and the pet’s grief can help you both.
If it were me, I’d invite the memory or essence of Mom to join me while I talk to the dog. I’d say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry you’re sad about Mom dying. Her death has affected us all and we miss her.
“It’s okay to mourn the loss and it is okay to be with us now. There’s room in your heart to love Mom and when you’re ready, to love us. And there’s room in our hearts to love you back.”
Then, perhaps in my mind, I’d ask Mom to please “Reassure the dog that it is okay to love and be with us; to give the dog permission to be with us, and let the dog know you’ll be together one day, but for now, please be here with our family.”
It’s okay for both you and the pet to grieve, and to acknowledge that grief.
Please remember – if you adopt a pet, or inherit one, their grief and sense of loss is real.
By Jan Toomer
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