By acknowledging that others have the right to their life journey without your judgment or criticism*. This, however, doesn’t mean that we accept abuse in any form.
Sometimes it’s Hard
Sometimes it’s hard to listen to those who wish to complain and yet do nothing to change; they stay in a perpetual loop in victim-mode energy. They just want to whine and not change.
We can respect ourselves and respect others by accepting everyone’s right to their experiences. We can be a shoulder to cry on or lend an ear to listen to someone’s venting and still not try to rescue them. Gentle suggestions may be offered, but the decision is theirs, not ours.
With the victim-mode scenario, if it were me listening to someone who wants to stay in that mode, I’d be done. I don’t want to play in anyone’s victim-mode sandbox.
I can allow them the right to keep playing, but I can walk away a no longer engage.
I may sometimes sound cold or dispassionate, but I assure you I am not.
Allowing is Not
– Entitlement. No one is above or beneath you.
– Being abusive to self or others – this includes verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse.
– Disrespecting self or others – showing disrespect to someone is disrespecting yourself; we are all one; we are all in this together.
Allowing for Self-Respect
Please know that your feelings are valid. Grant yourself permission to have those feelings. I don’t recommend: acting out because of these feelings (AKA having drama queen energy); using them to manipulate others; or get stuck in those feelings.
Don’t beat yourself up for taking a ‘wrong turn’. This so-called wrong turn afforded you a new experience and added to your internal reference file. If you had a, “Nope. Didn’t like it; won’t do that again” moment, or “Uhm…not quite what I wanted,” that new experience and information has become a part of you, and you can change your course and try again; remembering that there are consequences – positive or unpleasant – for our words, actions and thoughts.
Respect yourself enough to not play in someone’s drama sandbox and not feel guilty about it.
Respect yourself to not allow abuse in your life – personal relationships, employment environment, local, state or country abuse.
Respect yourself to not engage with someone who can’t hear you. By that I mean someone who is so wrapped up in their own drama that they aren’t able to hear what someone else may have to say.
* I am speaking about self-sufficient adults.
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by Jan Toomer
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