Look the Part

I had the TV on and a commercial came on for men’s hair color for grey hair. It said it was to help you be a “…better man…and look the part”.

I inherited early graying. At nineteen I had a round grey patch behind my right temple. Not only did the patch grow each year, but I also kept my hair short. This meant I had to get my hair colored every three weeks. And in between those colorings, I watched my hair grey more and more until my next hair appointment. It was like watching myself age every three weeks.

And with every coloring, my scalp and eyes burned from the chemicals. Then my scalp itched for a week.

I had stopped coloring my hair until an elder male relative told me I was “too young to have grey hair”, and said I should color it. So I went back to coloring. I had to “look the part”, right?

A few more years of playing that game, I stopped permanently.

I don’t begrudge anyone for coloring their hair. Do you do it because it makes you feel better, or are you doing to play the part and be socially accepted?

For me, I realized I was hurting my body with the chemicals…just to play a part. Not good.

What Else?

What other parts are we playing?

We age. We may each wear our aging differently, but we all age. It’s part of the human experience.

But it’s not necessarily only about aging. People play part in other ways.

Do you live beyond your means to play the part of appearing affluent? Are you trying to fit in with an exclusive group?

Are you playing the part of being bubbly and happy, only to be devoured once again by depression when you think no one is watching? There’s no shame in seeking help. Please seek a therapist for depression.

Are you looking the part at work? In a relationship or relationships?

For me, stopping coloring my hair was another big step to honoring me – the real me. No hiding my grey hair, passed on to me genetically from my father.

We are in a time of finding and getting to know our real self. Perhaps it’s time to take a look at any parts you are playing. Pick one and ask yourself if you do this for you or do you do it to feel accepted by others? If you do it because of, or for, others, how would you do it differently for yourself?

By Jan Toomer

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