None of Your Business

I do remember the angst I experienced not only because of being a teen, but a teen with – what I thought of at the time – a horrible huge secret.

I was also a white northern female whose family moved to the South. I hadn’t been raised to see skin color, or to think lesser of any who appeared better, or worse, off than I. In other words, I had a big ole’ target on my back. So we could add in bullying and shunning to the teen experience.

And my secret…which really wasn’t a secret, though I tried…was about my abilities. That’s where the name calling and more shunning came in. I was the “odd” one, or “freak”, etc. I’m sure you get the gist.

I’m not complaining – I’m explaining. As teens through to young adulthood, or longer, we are pressured to conform, to “fit in”, to succeed, to follow the masses. Me? Growing up, I just wanted to be a wallflower; blending in with the backgrounds and hoping no one noticed me. I think I got pretty good at it eventually.

Anyway, my point being, we were pressured; pushed to not be ourselves. This brought fear about what the others would think of us; we were judged. Many strove to be liked, or like me, just left alone.

And many people brought those fears and insecurities forward well into their adult life; worried about being judged and perhaps judging others not “like” you.

I got over it, but I wish someone had pulled me aside and gave my younger self the message that I bring to the table now, so hopefully it will help any who are still grappling with a fear of what others will think of them.

It’s None of Your Business

It’s none of your business what others may think of you. They aren’t you. They aren’t in your body. They don’t have the experiences you have had. They aren’t living your life. You are. You are living your life.

It doesn’t matter what they think of you. Again, it’s none of your business.

Your business is to live your life; to navigate your experiences and find the silver lining from each experience. And if you can, aid another in their life journey, great!

If you can let go of the fear of being judged (worrying about what others think of you), I think you’ll find yourself with less or fewer bouts of anxiety or stress…and perhaps gain a feeling of being more free.

Each one of us has a full plate with just our own life. So please, just mind your business and not theirs.

By Jan Toomer