(This article may contain a trigger.)
I was listening to classic rock and a song came on that brought me back to some of the scarier, yet I survived times. That led me to ask myself, “What if I hadn’t listened to my inner warning bells?” One incident stood out to me that really highlighted this question.
Now mind you, my experiences are not typical and I can’t tell you how I would handle this type of situation today.
Story Time
I worked at a radio station when I was 18 years old or so and still living at home. Though the station employed a few females, the majority were men.
As I did every work day, I parked in the back of the building and headed for the back door which opened up to the kitchen. Unlike most days, I opened the door one day and stopped. I was greeted by the sight of a lot of men with no-nonsense energy and wearing dark jackets that read “FBI”. These men were going through the kitchen. It was total chaos and I didn’t understand what I was watching.
The freezer door stood open and was empty. An agent was at the sink and putting everything, including ice cubes, in a strainer and running hot water over it while other agents emptied the fridge and cabinets. They all stopped and turned to look at me. A silent agreement went through the room and all but one agent went back to what they were doing. One single agent left the kitchen.
I decided to go in so I moved forward and pulled the door shut behind me. I figured I’d just take my lunch to my desk until the FBI was done doing…whatever that was.
I headed down the long hallway to go to my desk and was intercepted by Teddy Bear. No, that wasn’t his real name. He was a large man, tall and wide; his frame was a bit intimidating to others. He was also a part-time sheriff. But I had learned early on that he had one of the most beautiful energies I’d seen in a long time, and told him that I wasn’t intimidated by him. I let him know that I knew he was just a soft teddy bear inside…hence the name.
He told me he needed to talk to me, now. He escorted me into an unoccupied room where he motioned for me to sit down. He sat across from me. “Are you okay, Jan?”
“Well, yeah, just a bit confused by all the FBI people here. What’s going on?”
He explained that the FBI had interviewed everyone at the station except me, and that he requested for – and was granted – permission to interview me.
“Okay, about what?”
He took a slow deep breath. “Have you been out with, or dated, DW?”
This seemed rather random to me. “What? No, I haven’t.”
“Are you sure, Jan?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I’ve not been out with him ever.”
His energy moved into sheriff investigative mode. “What’s your relationship with DW?”
I was getting fidgety, “None outside of him getting his phone messages from me. The only words he’s ever said to me was to ask if he had any messages. Well, until recently, then it got a little weird.”
Teddy Bear’s energy changed. He leaned forward, “Weird, how?”
“Well, he’s been here, what, six months? And all of that time he barely registered my existence. Until last week. He walked up to my desk and asked, ‘Can I give you a diamond brooch?’ I suddenly had an uneasy feeling.”
“Did you take it, Jan?”
“No, Teddy Bear. I told him ‘No’. He asked if I’d rather a diamond pendant or bracelet. By then I had warning bells going off in my head. I told him, ‘No, I’m not interested.’ He then asked me to go out for drinks that night. Again, I said, ‘No’.”
“So did you ever go out with him?”
“I told you no, I didn’t.”
“Jan, please tell me the truth. Have you accepted anything from him? Have you ever been to his apartment?”
“No, Teddy Bear. You’re starting to scare me. What’s going on?”
“You promise you’ve never been to his apartment?”
“No! Please tell me what’s going on!”
Teddy Bear shifted in his seat, his words became more intense, “Please, Jan, promise me. Promise me you’ve never been to his apartment.”
“I promise. I’ve only seen him around the office and he never gave me the time of day until that incident that I just told you about. Now, what’s going on?”
Teddy Bear started with DW’s apartment. He told me that it was something out of a horror movie. The whole apartment was set up for torture; torture that damaged someone or someones badly enough that there was splatter on the walls, floor and ceiling. He continued to tell me some of what they found in the apartment.
I felt sick.
But Teddy Bear wasn’t finished. He told me that DW and his mother were international jewel thieves and the FBI was searching for the stolen jewelry. He finished with, “And that’s all I can say about it.” He stood up, signaling that we were done. “I’ll let the FBI know what you told me.” I nodded and headed for the door.
Right before I opened the door, I heard, “Jan.” I turned around and Teddy Bear was standing right next to me. “I’m so glad you hadn’t gone with him,” and then he enveloped me in, well, a gentle bear hug.
No one spoke of this again.
A few weeks later, my mother yelled out, “Jan! Phone!”
I picked up an extension, “Hello?”
“Jan?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
“DW. I just wanted to call and say ‘Hi’ and ask you if you’ll come visit me in prison in person.”
Yeah, seriously. I don’t know how he got my phone number, but I told him, “No, and don’t call me again.”
Listen To Self
What if I hadn’t listened to those internal warning bells? No, they weren’t really bells. It was a complete body response telling me that something was very wrong.
Most of us experience the “warning bells” in some form and some degree. It may be just a sense of wrongness like something’s just not right. Or it can be nausea, or perhaps a sudden desire to move away from someone. If something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t.
My point being – aside from me visualizing that I drove my guardian angels to smoke and drink, and perhaps develop a tick from having to work overtime to protect me – that you should listen to yourself when you sense that something’s not right. That doesn’t mean live in fear. It does mean to pay attention, and listen to you.
By Jan Toomer
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